Over the mountains, far and wide,
Over the river and the tide,
Through the valleys and through the shire,
Ever onward towards home.
Many a sight I there did see,
Rare be the person believing me.
Dragons of fire, goblins flesh and bone,
Men and elves feasting on their thrones.
Wonderful laddies did I there meet,
Charming of words and light of feet,
No match for looks in all the dell.
Why can't I find lads that good here, as well?
Fantastical battles have I fought.
Luck did not count me with the dead lot.
Warring onward through days and nights,
Hardly a wink between each blight.
Sleeping in caves, and wand'ring trails,
Many a time did we hear weird wails
Of wolves and men, creatures long forgot,
Queer animals met with in fearsome spots.
Brought down a hart, or slew an orc,
Each was a cause to pop a cork.
But though ‘twould been fine, we had not one.
Trudges are weary ‘nough without kegs of rum.
At last of treasure we had a glimpse,
But as luck would have it, ‘twas kept by nymphs.
We were loured through the glade and into marsh
To nearly be killed, all for a farce.
Over the mountains, far and wide,
Over the river and the tide,
Through the valleys and through the shire,
Ever onward towards home.